There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
