Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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