I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
