Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
