just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
is that a dick in a sweater?
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