It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
