i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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