Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
