i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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