my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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