Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
