I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
