I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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