Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
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Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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