I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
