He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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