His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I looked at my own cervix.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
