you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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