are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
