Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
