no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
