shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
