remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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