i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
