I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
