Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
