I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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