In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
