I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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