You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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