where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
