he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
