I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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