Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
