Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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