Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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