That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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