I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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