My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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