very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
