Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
