Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
