Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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