Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My bed smells like the plague
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