guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
