do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
