Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can Purell be used as lube?
Everything about him screamed your future.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
