Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
