I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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