I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
