i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
