I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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