They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My vagina just clenched in fear
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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