why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize