So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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