just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
