I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize