I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
