and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will pee on everything he values.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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