I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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