the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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