so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
