I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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