just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
