a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
