Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
