I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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