is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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