I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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