I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
