Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
