i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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