Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want nice things and good sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
