Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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