Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
