you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
