made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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