Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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