We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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