I must be too annoying 4 u.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
