you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
